Here's some more stuff from this great book:

Some answers women might use for the tacky pickup lines men use (not for real use--remember, men do have feelings too):
Man:  Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
Woman:  Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore

Man: Is this seat emptly?
Woman:  Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman:  Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man:  So, what do you do for a living?
Woman:  I'm a female impersonator.  (that's my favorite)

Man:  Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman:  Do not enter

Man:  Your body is like a temple.
Woman:  Sorry ,there are no services today

Man:  I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman:  But would you stay there?

The Top Ten Reasons Why God Created Eve:
10.  God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because men hate to ask for directions.
9.  God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote. (Men don't want to see what's on television; they want to se ewhat else is on!)
8. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would therefore need Eve to get one for him.
7. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment for himself
6. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage night.
5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle childbearing.
4. As Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he put his tools.
3. The scriptual account of creation indicates Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2.  As the Bible syas, "It's not good for man to be alone!"  and the Numbero Uno reason...
1.  When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head and said, "I can do better than that."  (I love this!!!)

Hope you all like this! I out loud laughed at a few of them. 

Okay, it's been a long time I know!  So I'm reading this book Single Men are Like Waffles and Single Women are Like Spaghetti-it was recommended to me by Timmy so you know it's good b/c the only other book he's read is the Bible (and that's questionable).  Just Kidding bro:)

So here are some funny things I pulled from this book:

-The smallest package we have ever seen is a man wrapped up in himself (hahaha...I love this).

Things Women Want:
1. Don't ever lie to us; we always find out
2. Buy yourself some decent clothes
3.  Pay attention.  We like to give clues.  "Susie and Bob tried a gret new restaurant means "Why don't you ever take us anywhere nice?"
4.   Yes, it's true.  Sometimes we like to call up and talk about nothing.  Get used to it. 
5.  If you ask us what's wrong and we say nothing, ask us again.  And this time, look sincere.

Men's Rules for Women:
1.  If you ask a question you don't really want an answer to, expect an answer you didn't want to hear.
2.  Sometimes, we're not thinking about you.  Live with it.
3.  When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anthing you wear is fine.  Really.
4.  It's neither in your best interest nor ours to take any quiz together.
5.  If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.  We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
6.  You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both.
7.  If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Okay, here's the last one for today:
A Few Answers for the Question, Why Aren't You Married Yet?

-You haven't asked yet.
-I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life
-Because I just love hearing this question
-Just lucky, I guess
-It gives my mother something to live for
-I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss America  (I think this is my favorite)

Alright hope you enjoyed have a great day:)

It's been awhile since I've written some jokes on here......:

Joke 1: An inmate wrote his wife a letter.  "Don't plant the potatoes--that's where I buried the money."
He soon received a reply from his wife.  "They censored your letter and have dug up the entire backyard."
He wrote back, "Now you can plant the potatoes."

Joke 2: 
Alex:  Weren't you afraid when the robber pulled a knife on you?
Will:  No.  I knew he wasn't a professional.  The knife still had peanut butter on it. 

Joke 3:
A man wrote a letter to the IRS:  "I have been unable to sleep knowing that I have cheated on my income tax.  I understated my taxable income and have enclosed a check for two hundred dollars.  .  If I still can't sleep, I will send the rest."

Okay, this next one is kind of lame but I like it:
Joke 4:
Did you hear about the crimes over at the house they're renovating?
The shower was stalled while the curtains were held up.  Apparently the doors were also hung, and I heard the window was framed for it.

Joke 5: 
The traffic cop pulls a driver who has been speeding and asks him, "didn't you see the speed limit signs posted along the road?"
"Why, Officer,"  said the driver, "I was going much too fast to read those tiny little signs."

Joke 6:
A man traveling at 120 miles per hour on the interstate was stopped by highway police.
"Sorry, Officer," said the driver.  "Was I driving too fast?"
"No, sir.  You were flying to low."

Hahaha...alright well that is it!  I hope you enjoy these and have a good day:)

So in case you guys didn't here yesterday about Slowest let me give you the rundown so that I can tell you about today:
Yesterday Slowest comes in 20 minutes late (and she is the manager) however, she says "I was ready to leave at 20 til but I lost my keys-so I spent all this time looking for them and just can't seem to find them.  So her husband is going to have to go home and look for them.
Alright so a few hours later her husband comes to pick her up so that they can go to Applebee's and I ask "Did he ever find your keys Slowest?"  and she replies "Yes I threw them away...he found them in the trash."  NO SURPRISE

But today, she comes to work and 20mins later her husband comes in carrying her purse and she says "I left my purse at a lady's house so he had to go pick it up for me."

POOR HIM AND WOW!!!!!  Oh man...what are we going to do?  Kind of funny.  Just thought you all would get a kick out of it!

Have a good day:)

Hi....for those of you who have heard me talk about work I just want to say this:  EVERYTIME I get out this joke book to write some jokes....Slowest ALWAYS goes "Oh I looked for that book for my grandson but couldn't find it so I picked up another one...it's real cute."  Now.....if you look back and see how many times I've written jokes IT'S A LOT AND SHE SAYS IT EVERYTIME.  :I already know that story," is what I want to say.  Oh boy....so on that note here are some jokes for today:

Joke 1:
Kim said to her friend, "I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for men."
"I know!"  Rachel responded.  "I went golfing with Roger one time, and he told me I asked too many questions."
"I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game.  What questions did you ask?"
"Oh, just things like, 'Why did you hit the ball into that lake?'"

Joke 2:
Q:  How is a crossword puzzle like an argument?
A:  One word leads to another.

Joke 3:
Q:  Why is tennis a noisy game?
A:  Because when you play it, you have to raise a racket.

Joke 4:
A golfer is playing a round with his buddies.  On the sixth hole, a hole over water, he proceeds to hit six balls into the water.  Frustrated over his poor golfing, he heaves his golf clubs into the water and begins to walk off the course.
Suddenly he turns around, jumps into the lake, and dives under the water.  His buddies think he has changed his mind and is going to retrieve his clubs.  But when he comes out of the water, he doesn't have his bag or clubs.
As the wet golfer walks away, one of his buddies asks, "Why did you jump into the lake?"
The man responds, "I left my car keys in the bag."

I couldn't resist one more joke...I like this one:

Joke 5:
A man is walking from the lake carrying two fish in a bucket.  He is approached by the game warden, who asks to see his fishing license.
The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these fish; they are my pets.  Every day I come down to the water and whistle, and these fish jump out, and I take them around to see the sights, only to return them at the end of the day."
The warden, not believing a word of it, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license.  The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me, then just watch."  He then throws the fish into the water.
The warden says, "Now whistle to your fish and show me that they will come out of the water."
"What fish?"  asks the fisherman.

Hahahaha!  Oh how I loved all of these...but especially that last joke:)  Everyone, have a good day.  But in case you want another funny story about Slowest....her husband just came in and she is as the computer and he is looking at our phones on the wall and she goes "Roy the one I want you to get is to your far right."  and he goes "Where?"  and she says "look straight ahead."  he replies "Okay"  then she goes on with "stick your right hand out...now look in front of where your hand is,"  and he said "I don't see it"  ....yeah this is funny b/c the phone was right in front of his hand and he totally missed it then she said "For crying out loud,"  and went over to show him it was in front of his face.  Funny and ironic because I feel that that is what we are constantly doing with Slowest....showing her things that are usually right in front of her face.  Oh how funny it can be when you get to just sit back and watch:) 

Have a good day everyone....Megan I know you will enjoy much of this post!!!